Miss Independent

If Ne-Yo said he loved miss independent because she got her own things, who dont wanna be his miss independent??? Sometimes so many things about this 'independent' word crossed my mind. It's all about how to be, how to do and can i be. But then one day, I met this girl...

It was a crowded afternoon. I went home by bus. From my school. After dance rehearsal. Alone. Ouh, I hate this kinda thing. But then I saw this girl. A girl in blue cardigan and so blue headband. I didn't even know who she is, but one thing I knew, she had a really wispy hair. Almost bald. She was holding a lot of big files, and she was with her own. Means, she was alone. Like me.

Her wispy hair. One thing that made me think about it a lot. Plus her pale face. But still in smile. I didn't know why but of course not with no reasons, i thought she got a cancer disease. And if it's true, I will really really apreciate her so much.

I am a healthy person. But I'd do my best to find a car to drop me off then use a public bus on my own. But her??? God, please bless her!

Father, How Are You Today?

Gue inget banget waktu itu temen sekelas gue, Dinda dan Nisa cerita kalo ada film bagus judulnya TAKEN. Mereka bilang ini film bener-bener bagus, ngelebihin film WANTED yang menurut gue adalah the best-nya film action saat itu. Yaaa karena gue percaya banget sama mereka, akhirnya gue belilah tuh DVD nya TAKEN. Dan bodohnyaaa, gue baru nonton itu film hari ini!!! Setelah sekian lama tuh DVD tergeletak gitu aja di sebelah DVD Player gue... Gue benar-benar merasa bodoh karena ternyata bener kata temen-temen gue, itu film benar benar mendapat TWO THUMBS UP dari gue (plus dua jempol kaki deh kalo perlu ....ga penting).

Lo benar benar HARUS menonton itu film karena lo bakal terkagum-kagum dengan figur Bryan Mills sebagai ayah yang juga sebagai mantan mata-mata. Jadi di film ini tuh si Bryan bener-bener rela ngelakuin apa aja demi menyelamatkan anak satu-satunya dari kekejaman human trafficking. You really really really must see this f-ing great movie...

Habis nonton film ini entah kenapa gue menitikan air mata gue walaupun ga deres. Sekitar 3-4 tetes air mata di pipi kanan dan kiri gue. Sebenernya gue tau pasti sih alesannya kenapa. Ngebayangin figur ayah yang bener-bener baik, yang bener-bener rela berkorban demi anaknya, punya rasa tanggung jawab, dan selalu pengen ngeliat anaknya bahagia. For god sake, gue bener-bener kepengen punya ayah yang kaya gitu. Mungkin emang 'semua' ayah kaya gitu, atau mungkin malah itu cuma impian aja karena adanya cuma di film. Tapi apapun itu gue bener-bener udah ga ngerasain gimana rasanya punya ayah. Dengan bodohnya gue baru sadar kalo gue udah ga pernah ketemu bapak gue lagi sejak lama banget. Dan dia ga pernah berusaha untuk ngehubungin gue, sama sekali. Gue baru sadar kalo bapak gue udah lupa sama gue. Gue baru sadar kalo bapak gue ga inget sama gue sama sekali. Gue baru sadar kalo bapak gue udah bener-bener bahagia dengan keluarga barunya...

Pas banget abis gue nonton film Taken itu gue sms bapak gue. Gue nanyain kabarnya, gue nanyain kapan dia mau ke rumah lagi. Lo mau tau jawabannya apa? Dia bilang dia sibuk. Hampir 13 tahun gue hidup sama dia, gue ga pernah ngeliat dia ada di kesibukan yang berarti. Dan pas gue tanya dia sibuk apa, dia ga bales apa-apa. Dia aja ga tau kapan mau ke rumah lagi. Dia aja lupa dia udah ga pernah ke rumah lagi.

Gue baru sadar sekarang kalo gue itu bodoh. Gue berusaha sekuat mungkin untuk ga acuh sama keadaan gue sekarang dan gue berhasil. Gue bener-bener ga sadar sama apa yang terjadi di sekitar gue. Betapa sialnya hidup gue selama ini. Gue punya ayah tapi gue ga ngerasa adanya ayah itu sama sekali. Walaupun dulu gue ga pernah ngakuin semuanya, tapi gue tau banget dulu gue paling deket sama bapak gue. Gue sayang banget sama dia ngelebihin rasa sayang gue sama ibu gue saat itu. Dan gue ga nyangka banget kalo sekarang keadaannya bakal berubah drastis kaya gini. Dan yang paling bodohnya, gue baru sadar sekarang...

For sure, I'm not wishing to have my old family anymore. I'm satisfied enough with my little fam, now. And I'm not wishing my father to be alone. I don't really care if he wanna have new family, and new childs or what. I don't care. But I don't wanna lose my father. I WANT TO HAVE A FATHER. I wanna feel the love. I wanna feel the warm. I miss every single part when he loved me. When he cheered me up. When he hugged me when I fought with mom. I know he's not the best father at all, or even the worst. I know! But I don't care. He's my one and only father I have, and be honest I don't expect more. I just want a father. I want a father who loves me. Who loves to chat with me and listen to my story. I want a father who loves to drop me by and pick me up again. Just like the old times...

Don't tell my mami

I still love my father

and I'll always do

Oh, I'm crying now...

Wimala

Breaking Free

Tell me what's the first thing that show up in your mind when you read the titled? Be honest, It reminds me with the first High School Musical. Hahahahaha terserah sih orang mau bilang apa, HSM kampung atau apa. Walaupun sebenernya gue adalah salah satu orang yang menyetujui kalo HSM itu kampung dan india. Tapi gue juga ga bisa memungkiri, sebagai anak perempuan, gue cukup terhibur menonton HSM. Walaupun cukup geli juga dengan tingkah joget sana-sini pemeran-pemerannya yang terkesan amat gay.

Well now, I'm not going to talk about the film but the breaking free itself. Jadi, gue tiba-tiba berfikir kalo sebenernya breaking free kaya yang di HSM itu benar-benar tidak gampang. It's like we leave our comfort zone to something unordinary or even something that we'll never think about. Bukannya sok inggris ya tapi kayanya kalo dijelaskan dengan bahasa indonesia jadi terkesan dangdut hehehe. Ya jadi intinya gitu, kaya misalnya kita udah bener-bener punya suatu kebiasaan yang mungkin 'aman' entah itu nyaman atau engga, dan suatu hari kita mulai kepengen ngelakuin suatu hal yang emang sebenernya 'kita banget' walaupun dengan konsekuensi besar yang juga kita harus dihadapi. Ga gampang emang, dan ga semua orang punya nyali besar buat ngelakuinnya. Dan gue? Gue termasuk yang berani tapi ga berani. Hahahahaha...

Sebenernya gue tau sih blog gue ini sedikit 'kontrofersial'. Walaupun sebenernya isinya biasa aja tapi gue merasa aja ada stalker-stalker yang selalu siap memantau dan menganggap buruk isi blog gue. Walaupun gue bener-bener ga ada ide siapakah orang itu. Dan sejujur-jujurnya gue bener-bener ga kepengen tau juga siapa. Tapi hey hey siapa dia? Gue tidak mau sama skeali mencari masalah dengannya. As always, stay in my comfort zone... Jujur aja (lagi) gue takut dengan semua itu. Maksud gue, ya gue ga suka. Gue pengen ngamuk. Kayanya gue ga boleh aja ngelakuin apa yang gue suka. Padahal gue juga ga ngerugiin orang lain, kan? Tapi di sisi lain, gue tau kalo gue ga boleh ngelawan itu semua. If somepeople don't like me? That's fine. It's totally their rights. Gue juga ga mau membuat mereka semakin ga suka sama gue dan membuat masalahnya semakin besar. I know I will regret it if I really do. So, gue memilih untuk diam dan berusaha mengkoreksi diri gue seperti apa yang 'mereka' mau.

How about the breaking free? Hahahaha If I have enough courage, I'll ignore them and do whatever I like. Tapi kenyataannya? Gue bener-bener belom siap untuk ngelakuin itu semua. Gue belom siap ngehadepin akibatnya kalo sampe gue dijauhin lagi kaya dulu. Sounds immature? I know. Tapi gue ga punya bargaining power sama sekali buat ngelawannya. Siapa mereka aja gue ga tau.

Gue takut. Sekarang gue bener-bener ngejaga apa yang gue tulis di setiap post-post gue. Gue ngejaga apa yang gue upload. Gue ngejaga semua yang berhubungan dengan gue. Bukannya capek untuk selalu bersikap acuh, tapi gue udah ga tau lagi harus gimana. Gue pengen ini semua selesai, biar gue bisa menghela nafas panjang lagi. Biar gue ga perlu berpura-pura menjadi orang lain lagi. Biar gue bisa jadi diri sendiri lagi. Gue capek. Gue capek kaya gini terus. Gue ga bermaksud apa-apa di post gue ini, bener-bener ga ada maksud apa-apa. Please banget gue mohon, siapa pun dia dan siapa pun lo, gue ga ada maksud apa-apa. Jangan nyangka yang aneh-aneh, ya.

There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach

If we're trying, so we're breaking free...

Pretending is hurting

So just be yourself and love it

I hope I can be like you...

Wimmms

Ask Me What I Want Right Now

1. I want longer hair

2. I want great scores in middle test

3. I want global cooling (god, it's so hot right here)

Quote Of The Day

"If I get up I might fall back down again so let's get up come on!"

-Superchick

Quote Of The Day

When you love someone
just be brave to say that you want him to be with you
when you hold your love
don’t ever let it go
or you will loose your chance
to make your dreams come true...

                                                                  -Endah N Rhesa

Letter To Anonymous

Dear someone,

I know I am your nothing, though you always say that I'm your friend or something. You don't have to lie anymore. I'm selfish, stubborn, bad temper, stupid and even bossy. You're supposed to hate me. And you don't have to make a confession, I already know everything. I'm not that innocence girl like what you think. And I can't deny that I love you...

Love. For sure, I don't know what love is. I just know that I want to be with you forever. Even not as your girl. I'm happy being your friend. And when we fought, I really hated this part. I did feel like a fool and I didn't ashamed to show how huge my sorry. I miss your text, I miss your voice, I miss you...

I don't deserve a guy like you, neither do you. You deserve more, and I deserve less. I know I'm new in your life. I don't know you better than others. And nothing else I can say beside I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I enjoy time with you. You're not handsome. You're not that cool basketball player. But you're the best friend ever.

I'm sorry sometimes when you called me, I rejected. It's a late night! hahahaha. I miss your jokes. You never give me one, now days. I wanna hang out with you, again! I want you to pick me up again. I want to see your beautiful face. Your flawless smile...

Why are you so far? Unreachable for me???

With much love from

your old friend,

Wimala

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you

Been here all along, so why can't you see?

You, you belong with me, you belong with me

                                                               -Taylor Swift